Plan A

When you take a step back and look at your life, really look at it? When you examine it like a scientist would examine a specimen he’s studying in a lab; documenting each view, looking from every angle, taking notes of the familiar and the unfamiliar- what do you see?

When you casually glance in the mirror, day after day, you are never startled by your change in appearance. You don’t glance one day, and notice a drastic change in age, or weight, or height. It doesn’t happen, because you slowly get used to the face you see staring back at you. It is not until you compare yourself to a photograph of decades past that you can truly notice the differences in your appearance. Similarly, when we reflect on our lives without deeper study, careful documentation, or a comparison to a ‘past’ life we have lived- we are unable to see the subtle changes that happen day after day.

This time of year, as Thanksgiving rolls around, is always a great time of the year to take some time out, take a break from the everyday ‘glances’ of life, and delve deep into the examination of what our life looks like- today. Not what we wish it looked like, or what we hope it might look like, but what it is right now, in this moment. To do so, it is important to reflect on where we have been- like comparing our current reflection to a portrait of the past. To think about what changes life has brought us over the course of the year, and to ask ourselves: what am I thankful for in this moment, today that I didn’t have last year. Because all-too-easily, we can forget what life was like before we were blessed with this, or that, and we can neglect to be thankful for the small victories. Some years bring trials, and suffering and pain far greater than we could imagine- and we think to ourselves: what could I possibly have to be truly and deeply thankful for? and other years bring a multitude of blessings that leave us wondering what did I do to deserve this? Year-after-year, whether you have experienced the former, the latter, or an in-the-middle, routine, nothing-has-changed year, it is important to examine your life in such a way that you find each and every small blessing that was carefully woven into your story.

This year is one of those years I can casually glance, and the blessings are abundant, beyond belief. Within the course of a year, I became a first-time homeowner, I became a first-time wife, I began my career and found great joy in it, and I came to a greater realization of just how great my God really is. But none of those things are what I am truly and deeply thankful for. Although I know that I am blessed beyond measure to have a husband who shows abundant love for me, a home that I can call my own (and yes, even a yard to mow), and the influence over several young-minds each day; when I examine this past year under a microscope- that is not what pops out to me as my greatest blessing and therefore my greatest gratitude. I am thankful for those things, without a doubt. However, what fills my heart to the brim with thanksgiving- and makes me want to rejoice in every sense of the word- is God’s great and wonderful and mysterious plan for our lives, and the ability to trust in that plan, no matter what life’s circumstances have set before you at your Thanksgiving table.

You see, it wasn’t that many years ago that a reflection on my life would have appeared intensely different than it did this year. In the course of one year, I suffered pain greater than I knew my heart could bear- through a death, through a break-up, through a move, through betrayal. My world had crashed and burned, in every sense of the word. However, as I have traveled through life since that year, each new beginning has allowed me to see the perfection in God’s plan. Did He want me to suffer, absolutely not- He suffers in our suffering. He wanted to prepare me for His perfect timing and His perfect plan that He had for my life and could see all along. Even in those moments of great anguish, He could see this year and the abundance of joy it would bring, and He was turning my world upside-down to prepare me for greatness.

My gratitude this year doesn’t come from all the small blessings (in perspective, they truly are small) that have been bestowed upon my life the past 365 days. It comes from the knowledge that God has a plan far greater that what we can comprehend, that in the pain- there is promise. That my life has been crafted by the greatest Artist, and my story is written beyond the joy and sorrow I am feeling in the moment- and for that, I am truly and deeply thankful.