Firsts

We experience seasons of our lives. In fact, our lives are centered around the undeniable fact that we will continually be facing different seasons. Whether it be the change in weather, literally, or the broader change, of a certain time period of our lives, seasons will come and seasons will go.

While sitting around the table at Thanksgiving with family, I heard the word ‘first’ used in so many contexts and settings that it set my mind wandering on the notion of firsts. We talked about ‘first Christmas as a married couple’, and ‘setting up the first Christmas tree’. We talked about new parents experiencing so many firsts with their child, first smile, first word, first step- and the joy that comes with each new feat. We heard memories of the ‘firsts’ others had experienced together, and I shared what I was excited to experience in our first year of marriage. Our hearts filled with joy, as we each thought fondly of the first we had experienced, and the firsts we had yet to experience in our lives. There is something special, and different, and utterly joyful about experiencing something that you have not yet experienced before. About completing something, or embarking on something, or doing something that is completely new. I have a coffee table book that states it this way:

"love new things… The firsts go away- first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones."

and how terribly true that is. A person embarking on their life journey will inevitably hit a point where they have no firsts left to experience, unless of course, they create their own- new firsts. I find it so exciting that Rob and I (God willing) have a lot of firsts ahead of us in our lives, and as I think about each one, my stomach literally fills with butterflies. These are the beautiful moments that take our breath away, and leave us longing for the next.

However, in the midst of all the laughter, and smiles and memories of first together- a knot quickly built in my throat when I over-heard yet another conversation about firsts. These seasons of life we experience bless us with so many beautiful firsts, that we sometimes forget the firsts that are gut-wrenching, painful, bitter.

I sat across the table, and examined the face of a man who will experience a whole new set of firsts. November 9th marked the first time in 61 years that he had celebrated an anniversary- alone. November 28th marked the first time in 63 years that he had celebrated a Thanksgiving- alone. December 25th will mark the first time in 64 years that he will celebrate Christmas- alone. And on January 3rd, he will blow out 80 candles- without the love of his life beside him. Rob’s Grandma was taken from this world, all too soon, in March of last year, and the bitter reality of first experiences without her have been a season of life that have been painful for all who were blessed to experience her joy and zest for life- but especially for the one who called himself her husband for 60 amazingly beautiful years. 60 years ago, they were blessed to begin the experience of an abundance of firsts together as husband and wife, and 60 years later in the same year as Rob and I get the beautiful and amazing opportunity to embark on that same journey of firsts together, he is embarking on another journey of firsts- alone.

Seasons of our lives paralleling so bitterly perfect.

As we walk through this journey of life, whether by another’s side, or on our own, let us not forget about all the first experiences God has blessed us with, and all the first experiences that are yet to come. And let our hearts be filled with such joy at the firsts of life, that when it comes time for the painful, bitter season of firsts (whether without our spouse, our parents, or our children) that we have such an abundance of beautiful memories to hold onto and cherish, that we can approach that season of firsts with a certain hope and joy that surpasses even our own understanding.

Breathe in, breathe out… The world keeps spinning.